Is Forgiveness Required to Heal from Trauma?

The concept of forgiveness has been inserted into our collective psyche as some sort of cathartic method of natural healing from past wrongs that have been done to us, or someone we love or care about. The act of forgiveness has been glorified in many stories and anecdotal accounts, as though it may be the golden ticket out of pain, as the storytellers explain how forgiveness somehow purified their soul and, like the gift of atonement, settled the raging waters into a gentle stream.

But is forgiveness really necessary for healing and moving past trauma?

Forgiveness seems to have strong roots in religion and spirituality, but most likely predates organized religion in the sense of human capacity to forgive and feel compassion towards others. While compassion for others can certainly soften anger and resentment, forgiveness may not be realistic in some situations, nor is it necessary for healing to occur.

In a Psychology Today article, Amanda Ann Gregory, LCPC, explains that a major flaw in the theory of forgiveness is that it focuses on the relationship between the survivor and the person who caused harm, when in contrast, trauma recovery ought to focus on the survivor’s needs and internal processes.

Healing from trauma is a deeply personal journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

There has been a commonly upheld social norm or moral belief in society that forgiveness can somehow open the door to healing from trauma or help someone move past victimhood. While there is nothing inherently wrong with forgiveness, and it can be a vital truth for some, the idea that forgiveness is somehow required or mandatory for healing is simply not true. While it is true that holding onto anger and resentment can keep a person stuck in an erosive emotional state, there are other avenues for releasing anger and resentment that involve moving towards healthier and more helpful thoughts and beliefs, as well as acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean condoning the wrongs committed or saying “what happened is okay,” rather it means cultivating a gentle acknowledgement of what happened, without resisting it, denying it, or making judgments about it.

‍
Healing from trauma is about a person reclaiming their sense of self, finding and maintaining safety, and learning to live in the present again.Forgiveness can be a part of that process, but it's a step that a person should take on their own terms, if it makes sense for them, when and if they want to.
While there are many approaches to healing from trauma, there are several evidence-based approaches that do not require forgiveness to achieve emotional equilibrium.

One of those evidenced-based treatments is Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT).  CPT has its roots in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and helps a person who has experienced trauma to uncover any thoughts or beliefs that are keeping them stuck in a trauma response. CPT guides an individual through a structured protocol that helps them unpack, explore, and deconstruct any self-limiting or distressing thoughts or beliefs that maintain emotional distress and learn to create more balanced and realistic thoughts that can lead to enhanced well-being. This process can help a person feel more safe and trusting of themselves and others, as well as discover and deepen awareness of their internal resources to navigate life and relationships with. All of these gains are possible without requiring forgiveness as part of the equation.

The takeaway here is that while forgiveness can be desirable and helpful for some, others may not be ready to forgive or may choose not to forgive at all.  Whether or not to forgive is a very personal choice, and it’s not necessary to heal from trauma.  

For more information about how CPT can help individuals heal from trauma, please visit Nema Health

‍